Esquire Theme by Matthew Buchanan
Social icons by Tim van Damme



The Extra Push

It was one of those days, where I would find myself sitting on his lap as we exchange stories. Or at least, that is how it felt.

I have written about my Lolo Totoy a lot of times. Reason being is that there is always something joyous and therapeutic when I reminisce about our moments together (even though I end up crying). But today, it was different…

It was as if my grandfather managed to tap me on my shoulder, hugged me, and whispered, I know you needed me.

Things have been though recently, nothing aggressively serious or something that I cannot handle but I am in a place where I would like to keep on achieving my goals. Of course, roadblocks would present itself as I try, which is, of course normal. But there are days where moments happen at the wrong time. Today, it is my gout.

Since I am at home (thankfully), I was able to report it to my mom right away. She immediately told me what I had to take, what I could drink and what I could not eat for the day allowing it to subside. And then, I saw this green folder that I used to own that contained some envelopes. There were old pictures of myself, my cousins and my friends in the Philippines, and then I saw this sheet of paper, I knew what it was without even opening it… it was my grandfather’s letter to me before he passed away. I needed to lock myself inside the room, turn off the television and start reading the letter.

As I unfold the letter, my grandfather’s photograph landed on my lap (dramatic, right? He was a fan of it). After reading the first line of the letter, it was no surprise, I started crying. There they were, in black and white, his simple, honest, direct advices that are so empowering, “Once you have decided, work work and work until it hurts. Remember life is not limited to your surroundings…” “Be friendly to everybody…” “Life is full of problems, do not be depressed, ask why and then pray.” These are words that I would hear from him and had always made me ponder and reset.

I have not read this letter for a long time, four years to be exact. What amazes me is that this letter manifests, when I NEED it the most. It is the extra push that I need to allow things around me to make more sense and plan my attack to conquer challenges that face me.

Things made sense, I was inspired and I felt strong. Twenty-Six years later, we may be distant from each other, but today, I once again, got a chance to sit on his lap.



Achievement. Not stopping!

Achievement. Not stopping!



As if being vain is not enough. Facebook won’t post this, I don’t know why. But, here it is, another version. 

As if being vain is not enough. Facebook won’t post this, I don’t know why. But, here it is, another version. 



With Benjie, in an alley.
(Photo by: Chesca Dela Cruz)

With Benjie, in an alley.

(Photo by: Chesca Dela Cruz)

I’m not idle nor dead. Just gathering some thoughts. New entry will be posted by the end of this week!



Born This Way: Album Review

June 2, 2011

I went to the Electric Chapel on May 23rd to finally get a chance to listen to Mother Monster’s latest opus, Born This Way. In there, I was able to listen to her heart as she took her little monsters and I on the road to love, following the unicorn. Thankfully the glass disco ball was there; under it is where I confessed that I doubted this album.

I will admit, even though I loved the first three singles released from the album, they were so different from what she had done before that I did not know what direction the album would take. As Gaga stated, the first three are just a taste, “a gateway drug” of the entire album, because in a nutshell, the album is ah-mah-zing! Note that the first three singles were also the perfect choices to anchor the message of the entire album—self love.

It is indeed highly different from what she had produced before with The Fame and The Fame Monster. This album, for me, is the sum of adding the following genres of music: Metal + Electronica + Pop = Gaga’s Born This Way. The layers of sounds that she produced here along with her collaborators (Red One, DJ White Shadow and Fernando Garibay) were brilliant. I cannot help but imagine what the screen looked like while they were piecing or “painting,” as Gaga would say, each song and the meticulous mastering these tracks went through. The lyrics of each song are so personal. What’s good about it is that every time I listen to each song, I go across and grasp a deeper understanding and connect to it. This is why I go gaga over Gaga songs, they encapsulate the perfect definition of the iceberg principle. She invites her listeners to penetrate and formulate their own understanding of her compositions.

Of course, the album is not perfect. I have issues with the arrangement of some of the songs on the album (to be fair, there are only two of them). The sad thing about it is that I really like their lyrics. I just think that the arrangement were scattered. It even felt rushed.

Its been a while since I last heard an artist so passionate and so willing to share her personal stories as she intertwines it with stories that she heard from her fans and create an album like Born This Way. No exaggeration, the album inspires me to continue to embrace myself because this who I am. That God made no mistakes in creating me. That no matter how many turmoil one faces, these trials carry lessons that makes you stronger and contributes to better oneself.

If you are still not sold to listen to the album after reading this review, I am not going to keep on forcing. But I can assure you that this album is not scheiβe. PAWS UP!

Below is how I ranked the songs on the album:

1. Scheiβe

2. The Edge of Glory

3. Mary the Night

4. Bloody Mary

5. Electric Chapel

6. Fashion of His Love

7. Born This Way

8. Heavy Metal Lover

9. Government Hooker

10. Judas

11. Hair

12. You and I

13. Bad Kid

14. Americano

15. Black Jesus + Amen Fashion

16. Highway Unicorn (Road to Love)

17. The Queen



Celebrating the release of Gaga’s new album, Born This Way. Will post a full blown review this week! For now, grab a copy! It’s .99 in!

Celebrating the release of Gaga’s new album, Born This Way. Will post a full blown review this week! For now, grab a copy! It’s .99 in!



Just Saying

May 20th, 2011

I cannot help it; I am raising the diva finger (uhmm… it’s that serious). I would like to preface this by saying that this blog entry will not aim to claim that I am perfect and does not commit blatant mistakes, because I do. Rather, it shall aim to clarify, voice out and suggest ways for one to be more buoyant (I think it’s the “Born This Way” influence kicking in. Brava).

For the past few months, I had been constantly baffled by the conduct of the people that surround me. Especially, if the people involved are people that I either look up to, or I know that are smart, courageous, and are ADULTS (caps lock, it needs emphasis).

If I may—inserting Carrie Bradshaw quote here—“I can’t help but wonder,” When caught up in conflicting situations, why does our sense of self, our logic, and courage erupt and evaporate? It gets to a point where the “I’m only human” excuse becomes invalid.

Think about ironing a button down shirt. When I do, I want the shirt to be crisp as if it is brand new. So, I use a spray starch product that aids the ironing process to be more seamless. The chemicals on that product allow the fabric to be crisp. But as soon as I sit, the shirt that I ironed gets easily wrinkled.

Ironing out the wrinkles of life is a good trait. But, am quite certain most of you will agree that sometimes we tend to use the wrong product thinking that it will ease the process and provide a crisp outcome. The deception, the lies and the secrets, don’t they all equate into something detrimental? We have wasted time and effort to iron out situations that end up being wrinkled anyway thus hurting the people that respects, loves and cares for us.

I guess getting out of obstacles would be easier if life had dry cleaners to make things easier and better, but sadly there is none. I think it is best to own up to faults and mistakes, embrace the fact that it was committed, apologize, and then analyze. In that way, one can pick up a lesson, allowing one to mature and be wiser.

I do know it is easier said than done, and nodus vary, but most of the time it boils down to the choices that we make. I’ll leave it up to you. You can always ask yourself, what will it be? Most of time, you know the outcome.

Jubilance is nice. Just saying.




-April 26th, 2011

As I was writing this introduction, I could hear most of my friends exclaiming “FINALLY!”

I was always told to create a blog. And no matter how convincing and inviting the idea may sound, I have consistently asked why?

I felt that there is nothing for me to write about. I do not want to mimic the other blogs that would contain recipes, fashion, gossip, sex, love, even cupcakes (SIDE NOTE: My dear friend Shannon has an ah-mah-zing one called, Wednesdays With Cupcakes. I highly recommend it! because they are, or at least the one I follow and read are phenomenal! How can I possibly compete? And then of course, you have those blogs that contain this huge stamp on it that says BLOG=BICKER. Who would want to read another one of those? I am not saying that it is bad or wrong, I mean if one uses it as a way to release tension and sadness, go ahead. I was once part of that group. The last blog I created contained my constant bickering about how my life sucked. Looking back, it made me sad how unhappy I felt, I made it seem that I was not blessed, when in fact, I was. 

But why the sudden change?

My defense: I would like to use this blog as a tool for me to exercise writing. I was looking for ways to not allow my skills to be idle and a medium where I could hone it. It could even be considered a way for me to talk in silence. I told myself, my thoughts keeps on running anyway, I feel like I always have something to say, why not write them down? It seems that I just could not stop talking. I guess this is the reason why my mole is located near my lips. In the Philippines, it is a belief that If your mole is located on the top of your lips, you are considered to be talkative! GUILTY.

This blog still would not contain a theme; it would be very random. But this blog will be used to chronicle my life being twenty-five. They say that there is nothing to look forward to when you turn twenty-five, except renting a car (something that I do not plan to do) I encourage everyone to be excited and create a blog. Take notes of your thoughts on your silver year!

So here it is… Let us start a month after turning 25.

After the lengthy introduction, if you are still reading, thank you for taking this journey with me. To my friends who have yearned for a blog from me, I take this as a way for me to connect with you. Here it is… your very own, “POCKET CHINO.”